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Where Else Can I Go?

I pour out my needs to God and know I will find understanding. Gratefully, the words of this Psalm express my heart and I call on the Lord for strength and to hear my prayers. It is so difficult every where I look. I am ‘supposed’ to be there for my loved one and I am ill myself. I know illness colors all and when I am off my game, it affects everything.

I refuse to give credence to the cultural voices that say any kind of chronic illness is a weakness, a failure or aging has no value. That’s just not true. Encouragement comes from God’s word in Isaiah 46:4 “Even to your old age, I am the same, even when your hair is gray I will bear you; It is I who have done this, I who will continue, and I who will carry you to safety.”

Psalm 54 was written as a cry for help, praise when in peril. Although King David is being pursued by his enemies, he is buoyed up by the confidence that God is helping him. David’s appeal to God was after the Ziphites betrayed his position to Saul. His way (as does ours quite often) seemed dark and as he trusted in the Lord and waited patiently, the light arose. In our own lives, light thankfully has many ripples.

God’s light reminds us that love is steadfast. We often beat ourselves up, instead of surrendering to Divine Mercy. Mercy is who God is, not something He does now and then. I am reminded that if I have been overinvolved in caregiving, I may have forgotten to take care of myself. I recognize my tendency to grab more than is ‘reasonable’ and the results can become ‘messy.’ Along with that, my expectations can be unrealistic and sometimes become a recipe for disappointment. Learning to stay in God’s grace, letting myself be led step by step and in the main spending a little time in ‘listening,’ has enabled me to stay in the light, ‘most’ of the time.

I am confident that God wants us to ‘balance’ life and cares about our needs as well. While diminishment is a part of all our aging lives, gratitude and hope are ours, as we keep our eyes on the Lord. I trust God knows what I need and staying in faith one day at a time, all is revealed.

Only God knows how hard I try to ‘do it all’ and many times unsuccessfully. Even in the Gospel of Mark 6:31, “Come away by yourselves and rest a while,” the apostles are invited to get away for a time of rest by Jesus. He probably needed it as well. However, when a crowd of people followed them, Jesus changed His plans. My prayer has revealed how important it is to take care of myself and rest. We welcome anyone who can identify to share your story.

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